


I feel pretty, oh so pretty

by siangjiang



Category: Cracked - Ambiguous Fandom, Cracked.com, Cracked: After Hours
Genre: Crossdressing, Everybody being cute, Gen, Gender Identity
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-06
Updated: 2016-10-06
Packaged: 2018-08-19 21:41:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,847
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8225626
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/siangjiang/pseuds/siangjiang
Summary: "I like to feel pretty. Is that weird?"A fic based on Michael calling Daniel a "genderless LEGO man", and Daniel wanting to be Vanity from Se7en because she's "very pretty".





	

Daniel was no stranger to embarrassing underwear, Soren knew that much. He couldn't even count the times he had noticed Spider-Man's masked face peek out of Dan's pants when he bend over. 

But this was new.

Daniel learned over the table to deliver a particularly well thought out theory about Big Bang Theory, when Soren noticed lace. Black flowers and something that looked like the top of a butterfly, and then Daniel sat back down and it was gone.

Soren looked up, still a bit shaken, when he saw Michael smile at him from across the table. Oh no.

"Are you wearing your lacy underwear, Dan?" Michael asked, getting into a comfortable position. Daniel's neck turned bright red.

"Uh, what?"

"You know, the ones with the butterfly"

"I-I don't, I have no idea-"

"He's not" Soren interrupted, putting on his best stone-face. Michael's eyes just lit up even further. "It's Spider-Man" he continued "Again. Where do you even find those in adult size?"

It took a second for Daniel to realize what Soren was doing before it clicked. "The...Internet"

"Of course" Soren said "If it's not on the internet it doesn't exist"

"Can we stop talking about my underwear, please?" Daniel begged. Michael and Katie were giving each other looks and Soren wanted to punch them both.

"Yes please" he said "This is getting weird"

**********

Soren got into his car and quickly pretended to look at his phone when Daniel slipped into the seat next to him. For a moment they sat in awkward silence.

"Thanks for saving me. Michael would have made a scene"

"What are you even doing wearing those?" Soren asked "And to the diner. Did you wear them all day at work?"

Daniel played with a strap on his jacked. He didn't seem like he wanted to talk about it, and quite frankly Soren didn't really want to either, so he just shook his head "Forget it. I don't ca-"

"I like to feel pretty. Is that weird?"

Soren could feel something like a cold sweat starting to break out on his skin. No no no no no NO. This was too weird. Men didn't want to feel pretty. Men were lumberjacks and firefighters and boxers and-

"I mean, I don't want to wear a dress or anything. I know I'd look ridiculous. They don't have anything cute in my size anyway"

Soren closed his eyes. Calm down. He could do this. It was just the two of them. No one would ever know they had this conversation.

"You don't really seem the type, Dan"

"And what does _the type_ look like?" He didn't sound angry, just a bit defiant.

"I don't know. Like Katie? Why do you want to look pretty?"

There was a long pause before Daniel looked away "I know it's weird. I'm sorry. I won't wear the panties to work again"

Oh no he wasn't! He started this conversation so Soren wasn't going to let him off this easily. "Is it like...Do you want to be a girl?"

"No! No, not at all! It just feels nice, you know?" Soren didn't know. "I mean, I don't mind dressing like a guy or anything, but sometimes I just..."

Daniel stopped. It seemed like something he hadn't tried putting into words before, so Soren said, "How did Michael know?"

"He went through my underwear once while I was in the bathroom. I don't know if he found anything else. He only talked about the panties"

"Anything else? What else do you have?" Please don't be a dildo.

"I, uh, bought some makeup once. I couldn't figure out how to put it on and just ended up looking like a clown, so I never tried again"

Soren tapped the steering wheel. "Is that why Michael calls you a sexless LEGO man?"

"What?"

"I thought he meant it as in, you know, you not having a sex-life or something. Did he mean that you don't have a sex?"

"He called me genderless, but I don't know. I tried explaining it to him by using a LEGO figurine. How depending on what hair it's wearing it can be either a man or a woman. I like dressing like a man because that way people don't look at me, but I think I feel more like a LEGO man with no hair"

"So like, no gender at all?"

"Well, I am a _man_ " Daniel said, pointing at his crotch "But maybe not always up here" He pointed at his head "Or maybe I am, and I just like to be a pretty man sometimes. I don't know"

Soren honestly didn't know what to say. His initial panic was gone, and instead he found himself looking at Daniel differently. He still didn't quite get it, but he felt like it explained a few things; how Daniel didn't care when people called him a woman, his love of romcoms and the fact that he even watched Twillight on his own. Like he didn't care if things were meant for men or women. He just enjoyed them for what they were.

"Fair enough" Soren said, finally starting the car "I think it makes sense"

**********

Katie was standing in the frozen goods section of her local supermarket, trying to decide if she was really going to take the easy way out and buy a pizza, or actually cook from scratch for once, when she got a text from Soren.

"I don't know how the whole makeup thing works, but can you put it on someone else and not just yourself?"

**********

"Pick one" Katie said after lining all her lipsticks up on the table. They're weren't exactly all the colors of the rainbow, but ranged from soft pink to brownish red, all the way to black. Daniel looked at them, then chose one that had "Ruby Red" written on it "This one?"

Katie made a face "Okay, that was a mistake on my part. First of, that is my favorite so I'm not going to let you borrow it, and secondly, bright colors like that would look horrible on you. I'll just...." She started removing lipsticks from the table, then pushed the remaining ones together to close the gaps "There. I think all these would look good on you. _Now_ you can pick one"

Soren sat in the corner of Katie's couch and pretended to be busy texting one of his booty calls. Soft pop he had never heard before was playing on the stereo, and she had placed a glass of wine in front of him. The feeling of 'this is too weird, I should leave' had returned and was clawing at the back of his mind, but he refused to let I take hold. After the initial confusion and embarrassment, Daniel had gotten so excited. It wouldn't be fair of Soren to ruin the fun by running off.

He looked up from his phone over to the kitchen table where Katie had started applying foundation to Daniel's face. "Close your eyes" she told him. If Soren didn't think too hard about it it was actually kinda cute. Daniel sat perfectly still, allowing Katie to basically caress his face. Soren didn't know if Katie understood the level of trust that showed.

"Daniel!" she said "Watch the nail polish! You're going to smear it"

"Oh, sorry!" Daniel said, holding his bright red nails up like they were explosive. Katie put away the foundation and grabbed the mascara. Soren took the glass of wine and looked away. He was getting used to it already, but it felt wrong to stare. It was like barging in on two young women during their girly night. He felt out of place.

The glass had been empty for a while when Katie finally exclaimed "There, all done!" Soren started to look up but Katie stopped him "No Soren! Daniel isn't dressed yet" She pushed Daniel towards her bedroom "I laid some dresses out for you to pick from"

"I don't think I can fit into your clothes" Daniel said embarrassed.

"It's not my dresses" Katie admitted "I borrowed them from a friend of mine who's more your size. Go on. See if there's anything you like"

They both disappeared into the bedroom and closed the door behind them, leaving Soren alone on the couch. The nervousness was coming back. What kind of dresses did they have in there? Was Dan going to come out looking like a clown wearing some oversized granny night gown? Or even worse, some skimpy stipperific miniskirt, crop top and high heels he could hardly walk in? And how was Soren supposed to react? If Daniel looked too ridiculous would Soren be able to keep a straight face?

He almost jumped when the door opened and Katie came out "I present to you the most beautiful boy to ever walk this land, Daniel!"

Soren didn't want to be here. He had made a mistake. It was too weird. He couldn't-

Daniel stepped out wearing a soft yellow summer dress that had a delicate pattern of red flowers on it. On top he had a light grey cardigan, and his legs were hidden under a pair of thigh-high white socks. He looked...Soren wasn't sure. His first thought had been 'silly' but when he really looked he realized he only thought that because he had expected silly. Katie had done a great job with the makeup. It wasn't like the messy stuff men usually wore when they dressed up as women for fun, or intense like a drag queen's. It was subtle and complimented Daniel's natural features well. His eyes were a little more intense, his lips a little more pink. And he was beaming. Insecure and nervous about Soren's reaction, but happy.

He was adorable.

Soren told him as much "You look great, Dan"

Daniel smiled and blushed "It's not too tight? I mean, around the chest? I told Katie I didn't want to look cheap"

Soren got up and went over to them "You don't look cheap at all. I wouldn't be embarrassed to introduce you to my parents looking like that" Okay, that was a bit of an overstatement, but it made Daniel happy. Soren turned to Katie "You did a really good job" he said and kissed her cheek. He looked over at Daniel who was still blushing from ear to ear, thought about it, then kissed him on the cheek too. His reward was the most adorable little sound. "You look very...pretty"

Daniel looked at his feet "Thanks"

"Well," Katie said, breaking the silence that followed "I thought we could take some photos with your phone Daniel, then maybe order some food?"

"Yeah, I'd like that"

**********

Later that evening when they were sitting around the table eating Korean food, Daniel wouldn't shut up about Stranger Things and its connections to 80's movies. It was like he'd forgotten he was wearing a dress. He probably had. 

Soren smiled. It was the same Daniel he had always known. Not even 'Daniel but with makeup'. Just Daniel.


End file.
